She was sleepily walking into work that Monday morning with her coffee in hand when she spotted a crowd hovering around a desk. That early on a Monday, it just had to be her saving grace – DONUTS! She was starving and she was sure there had to be a pink frosted one with sprinkles. As she was about to walk over and take a donut, she remembered that the donut box is always a trap…

If you’re like us, you probably left school with a pretty solid idea of how life would be, right? Changing the world and making billions. Okay, let’s be honest, we never really thought we would make billions right out of school. Still, a tiny cube, shoes that need polishing, and brown bag lunches were not what we had imagined. That disenchantment with how the workforce really is always makes the donut box that much more appealing. 

Donuts became a work highlight. Donuts are everywhere in the workplace. Rare, in fact, is the veggie tray. Donuts are powerful little pastries. All the different flavors bring everyone together. As the sugar high kicks in, you begin to bond with your coworkers. You indulge in the donuts and realize that you’re starting to become part of the “in crowd.” You start talking and as quickly as you’re putting on those extra LBs, you or someone else makes a comment or asks a question that leads to a crazy rumor mill.

We wish we could say that it was recognizing that we were getting sucked into office gossip that really influenced us to stop eating the donuts. But being completely candid, we were young and broke and couldn’t afford to buy new work clothes or deal with going up a size. It was the LBs. And to be even more candid, it probably wasn’t until recently that we really connected the dots on what walking away from the donuts really meant.  

When you’re standing around the donuts, it can start with something as simple as, “OMG, let me tell you about this project I’ve been working on?” Before you know it, you’ve shared every detail about the project. That sugary little donut made you feel like you were in a safe space and you vented. The problem with venting is that it can also be blabbing. You blabbed about the coworker who was just late to a meeting. That lead another fellow donut eater to blab about how that coworker was late to their meeting as well. Is that a rumor? Maybe not…yet. But donut talk is the start of a game of telephone and by the time it gets to the end of the line, the one comment you made has morphed into a completely different story (at another time, we will tell you about the clocks). Easily, your small vent could have spun into: Did you hear that she cannot stand working with so-and-so?

The donuts also spark people’s “fill in the blank” stories. This can stem from a lack of clarity in the organization. When people don’t understand what is happening around them, they fill in the blanks (e.g., Why did so-and-so leave the organization? How is it that so-and-so got promoted? Why is the leadership team having all those secret meetings? Each bite of a donut leads to another “fact” being shared and a connection to another (most likely) unrelated “fact” or event. By the time the donuts are gone, the group has put together a seemingly plausible, yet unlikely, story. This plausible story becomes another game of telephone and morphs into something far greater than you could have imagined. We wish we could say we had never taken part it anything like that, but donuts are tasty.

Generally speaking, workplace gossip is less like Mean Girls (not to say there isn’t workplace harassment) and is more about people talking about the different people at work during stressful times. Still, here are some of our rules for when you don’t listen to us, and you decide to take a donut. 

Rule 1: Be careful when venting. What you think is a simple venting session with a close coworker could easily be misconstrued by a passerby or even that coworker.

Rule 2: Vent away from the workplace and choose your friends wisely. We all have work BFFs and it does make it easier to vent to someone who truly understands your workplace. Just remember, choose who you vent to wisely. 

Rule 3: Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want posted on social media (and if you’re posting on social media, a good rule is don’t post anything even slightly negative about your colleagues or workplace). Only say things that you would not be ashamed about if the person finds out. The older we get, the more we realize this world is incredibly small. People are connected in so many ways. Something you say in a seemingly safe off-site location could easily be said in front of someone who knows what you’re talking about. That being said, speak quietly and learn to lip read names (that’s our “if you’re going to gossip, do it well” rule). 

Rule 4: Don’t gossip. It’s one thing to unknowingly vent or be curious about what’s going on in your organization, but don’t act like you’re still in high school. All gossip is probably bad, at least that’s what our moms told us, but there is harmful gossip and simple curiosity. Don’t partake in made up (or even real) stories that are being told in an effort to hurt someone.

One would think the days of Mean Girls stayed in high school, but the reality is, the donut table is much like the cafeteria table. You should absolutely talk to your coworkers. You spend most a lot of time with them, but don’t let the toxic sugar suck you in. And the best way to do that, from our experience, is not to eat the donuts.